10 years of friendship. 4 years of marriage. 4 homes (soon to be a 5th OWNED home). 2 states. 1 baby.
We've lived, we've learned and we continue to love so hard. Every year we reach another anniversary it just gets my mind racing with everything we've gotten to experience together. Life, death, unknown changes, feelings of being lost in love & in life, big wins and huge loses... No one else I could ever imagine doing it all with. Our marriage went through and is continuing to go through the biggest transformation this past year. We've felt extremely close at times and more distant than ever before. This year has been a huge eye opener to the fact that you need to choose your person every.single.day.
"A good marriage isn't something you find; it's something you make... And you have to keep on making it."
Celebrating 4 years of marriage is crazy! I think of who we were that very special day and the people we dreamed of being. There are so many things we've done, achieved, and become that we never ever would have imagined. Our life looks TOTALLY different than it did that day.
Closing in on our first official year as parents is mind blowing. It's so interesting to see how our relationship has evolved in some ways and in other ways, stay the same. Looking at what we named the year of 2019 and how much that fits into our marriage is super weird. I don't think we were really thinking of the connect at the time (4 months postpartum), but it totally makes sense. This year we have had to put more work into us than ever before. Although our life looks totally different than on our wedding day, our hearts are still exactly where they were then. We continue to show up for one another and respect one another through ever twist and turn.
Overall, Kirby and I continue to choose one another each day. The crazy, sh** show kinda days and the perfectly smooth ones. Choosing your partner every day is the BIGGEST lesson I've learned in marriage. I'll give this one to you as a bonus lesson because I believe it's an entire mindset shift, not just a lesson learned. Marriage isn't meant to be easy, no relationship in life is, but by simply choosing to show up can help bring everything else into fruition.
Since family & marriage is such a big deal for both Kirby and I (& takes us both to work, lol), I wanted to do something a little different on this years anniversary post. This year 100% snuck up on us because we're just a little focused on our son turning one (1 week later). So in an effort to create time for one another we decided to fill you in (together) on 4 things we've learned in 4 years of marriage. Talking and listening to one another share things we've learned was super fun. I highly suggest doing the same with your significant other!
4 Things We've Learned in 4 Years of Marriage
Over communicating is better than under communicating.
Can you guess which one us likes to communicate and which one of us doesn't? I've never struggled with communicating and actually over communicate more than I should. Kirby on the other hand would rather just not. For us, finding middle ground is crucial.
Really the key to any good relationship is communication. I know it seems obvious, but it is so easily passed off. Voicing your opinions, struggles, feelings of doubt or worry, whatever it is; Is the only way your partner can have a look into your mind. Understanding that you are two different people with two different minds will help you see the importance of talking about what's on your mind, in your soul or on your heart.
While over communicating can be a lot to take in for the person listening or can come off as way too much information... It is so much better than under communicating. No one wins with no communication. No growth can come from that and no change will ever happen. If you're feeling stuck or disconnected in your relationship, start talking!
The importance of focusing on the "important" things.
What we mean by that is don't get nit picky. When you get nit picky about life, your relationship, work, whatever... Your mindset and your attitude change. That change filters into every little corner of your life in seriously affects so much. So, in marriage it's important to remember to focus on big picture. Don't allow yourself to get lost in the day to day little things that can set you off of a positive mindset.
Pushing for perfection in every aspect of your life, or marriage, is impossible. It drains your energy and totally takes you off of focusing on what's really important in life. Don't let little things continue to get to you. Focusing on how you're contributing to better yourself, and your relationship, in what you're doing and how you're thinking is a game changer.
Celebrating the little victories makes all the difference.
The hustle of life is real. In an effort to help keep our mindset on the positive side (even through the chaotic days/weeks/months) we focus on celebrating every victory; Big or small. Whether the victory is related to work, Addison, life... It's worth acknowledging. Kirby made such a good point, taking the time to celebrate the victory gives you an opportunity to reflect on it & truly appreciate it.
Not everyday is going to be perfect.
This kind of sounds like a cliche, but it's make all the difference when you really wrap your head around it. Not everyday is going to be full of storybook love. It's not always going to go your way and somedays it will feel so messy you may not see an end in sight. That's okay. Marriage is a life commitment. It's going to see the highest high, the lowest lows and everything in between.
Each of you is going to go through "off" days. You may not feel as connected or in-tune with one another, and that totally stinks. Feeling disconnected is lonely. What people forget to do is talk. Communicating about the off days is a huge benefit. It's never really fun having those conversations, but it's always what's needed.
It's important to be there for one another during the on & off days. Choosing to get over whatever bump (big or small) and choosing to be the person you promised to be on your wedding day. Marriage ins't perfect or easy, but it's a true blessing to have a partner for life who supports, loves & respects you through every single twist.