Life has been extra busy lately. We are in a full swing of change in more ways than one and I find that the craziness is here to stay for a bit. I feel like by the time it hits July and August I'll finally be able to breathe, but until then I just need to keep on moving.One thing I've been learning more and more through the years is knowing when to say No. It's obviously become a bit easier since being pregnant because to be honest I get so exhausted quickly, I can't drink and I really just enjoying being home now. Before being pregnant is when it was really difficult and a good time to actually start practicing saying No.
Kirby and I are people who love to keep doing and we love to be around our friends. When you have a big group its hard not to want to go to every little gathering, party, etc. As our lives continued to grow and we continued to add on more and more repsonisbiltiejs it started getting exhausting trying to get to every little thing. That's when we knew we needed to learn how to say no. It was easy and it's still something that gets us from time to time, but I wanted to share some of my tips on knowing when to say No so you could bring that into your life.
It's only by saying "No" that you can concentrate on the things that are really important. - Steve Jobs
1: When it Stops Being Fun
This is one of the moments we start realizing that we needed to start saying no. I'm not saying whatever we we're doing or going to couldn't be fun or wasn't fun, but it wasn't for us. We noticed we were squeezing things into days and nights that we would have rather been at home taking care of ourselves and resting. Yes, it's important to fit social events in and make time for friends, but when it stops being fun for you then whats the point? I know it seems weird to think you would notice that something wasn't fun anymore, but it's hard. It's hard not to want to go and support friends, or celebrate birthdays, or even just grab a drink after work because all of those things are fun. However, when it becomes such a habit it becomes almost a cycle.
We found that we started feeling guilty saying no and in turn stayed so busy that we never found time to just hang out. We felt guilty letting friends down or feeling like we were letting people down and got wound up in always saying yes. We are lucky to have a big group of friends surrounding us in Colorado. It's such a blessing especially when we don't have any family here. When it gets difficult is when you have so many friends in so many different groups that each one is pulling you to do something else. When it stops being fun to attend events, or celebrations its going to show.
You can be a good person with a kind heart and still say no - D.K.
2: When You Stop Taking Care of YOU
To me, this is the most important thing about knowing when to say no. When you find yourself saying yes to everything its hard to ever get a minute to yourself. Life is busy enough that without a minute to yourself, you may find yourself going a bit crazy. Self-care is just as important as self-love. I actually think they go hand in hand. I've just started getting better at self-care which is sad, but it is what it is. I have always been the person that never stops. I sit and think that if I have time to stop and breathe, take a bath, paint my nails whatever it is, I have time to do something more productive. It's kind of sad mindset because self-care actually makes you more efficient with your work in the end.
Without taking time to do something you need or love aside from just working or always trying to progressive forward is not a good way to live. When you get so busy saying yes to everything it makes it really hard to fit in anytime to breathe.That's when knowing when to say no becomes a big factor in your life. For me, saying no to my friends was really difficult, but in the end when I had more time to sit with my husband, relax on the couch with my favorite magazine or had time to bake some goodies just for fun I found myself way happier.
You can do anything but not everything.
The best thing about good friends is they understand. They understand the craziness of life and they understand the saying no is everyones own preference. They also know that they'll see you again. Events will come and go always, but making sure to take care of yourself is something that can really effect you in the long run.
3: When You Start Slacking on Your To-do List
You would think this is a given, but surprisingly it's weird how quickly things can start to get away from you. When I started growing more and more into the idea of living an entrepreneurial lifestyle it quickly became apparent that saying yes to every fun thing I was invited to wan't going to work. I started to realize that part of the reason I was always working was because I was setting myself up for failure. By constantly committing my time to friends and family I ended up staying up later and later to finish things on my list. If I didn't finish things I would go into a deep circle of getting down on myself that id din't do something. As you can imagine, this is super counterproductive.
Slacking on my to-do list didn't allow me anytime for self-care. I found myself exhausted and in a constant circle of not having enough time for anything. It also led me to not enjoy myself at any of the things I was invited too anymore. I would find myself thinking about everything I wasn't doing or wasn't finishing and stressed myself out so much that I would sleep at night. I wasn't able to be productive and I wasn't able to ever really grow in my businesses. Are you catching on?
What you allow is what will continue.
Not knowing when to say no leads to a lot of negativity. It's such an important lesson to learn especially as your life continues to grow and change. Like I stated earlier, being pregnant has made it a lot easier and I'm totally not mad about it. In September Kirby's and I life is going to change forever and by learning to say no we've lost that feeling of FOMO (fear of missing out) and we've stopped feeling guilty for choosing to do whats best for us and our little family. Even if you're not pregnant, make it easier on yourself by starting to say no now. Focus on the importance of self-care and self-love. I talked a lot about this in my post 3 Ways to Start Loving Yourself More. By doing so everything else will start to fall into place.